What Have You Done Now
by riverrae
Summary: Why is Shinji so scared that his father will discover his love for Kaworu?  Oneshot. YAOI.  Shinji X Kaworu


WARNING: Will turn out to have a pretty bloody ending, even though I don't describe it in too much detail. Rather, all those ShinjixKowaru fans out there are going to hate me real bad. So, yes, warning YAOI and BLOOD and, oh, yes, VIOLENCE, and that's all because I'm not going to ruin the ending. Safe to say, all kids leave the room, now. ;P

What Have You Done Now?

Shinji Ikarii stared across the classroom at the silver-haired boy who had just ruined his life. Looks of surprise and even repulsion were fixed on every student's face as they sat in stunned silence. Kaworu Nagisa returned Shinji's stare evenly from the small dias at the front of the classroom. His powerpoint presentation on discrimination still flickered dully on the white screen behind him. At first there had been a wave of mutters and snickering from amongst the class when Kaworu had introduced his topic on homosexuality. Shinji had sat silently near the back of the classroom, smiling at the idea that the one person in the whole world that he loved was giving a speech presentation to their class about a secret facet of their lives that only Shinji and Kaworu shared, while the class had no idea what they did during their lunch breaks.

But now Shinji sat on the edge of his seat, nails digging into the corners of his desk as realisation dawned on the class. One by one, the students turned to look at Shinji and whisper to their neighbours. Shinji couldn't believe it; Kaworu had sworn he wouldn't tell _anyone_! And now the entire 9th grade had heard Kaworu announce his love for Shinji as the finale of his speech.

Tears welled up in Shinji's eyes as Kaworu mouthed the words _I'm sorry_ across the room. It didn't matter anymore, he didn't care; the love of his life had sworn not to tell anyone and now the whole class knew about _them_.

Shinji's chair grated along the wooden floor as he stood up, staring intently at his desk. He couldn't look at Kaworu or face anyone infront of him. It was so embarrassing, everybody was whispering and pointing towards him, as if the other didn't know who they were talking about- but everone would know who they were talking about now because everyone _knew_-

"_What the hell have you done__ now?!"_

Kaworu found Shinji alone later in his apartment lying face-down at the small wooden table he usually ate at. An empty coffee mug was sitting in front of him as he dozed. The fair boy took the mug over to rinse in the sink…

"I was drinking that..."

Kaworu turned around, but Shinji hadn't raised his head.

"Oh my God, you're actually going to speak to me, then?" Kaworu was still feling upset over the way Shinji had stormed out of the classroom.

"I was drinking that," came a muffled reply.

"It's empty,"

"It's weird, when you think about it, coffee's the only _real_ person you can trust…"

Kaworu stared blankly at Shinji as he raised his nose onto his crossd arms and stared dully at the spot where the coffee mug had been.

"Yeah," Shinji glared at the spot. "Whenever you're upset and miserable, you can always talk to a cup of coffee. It's always there when you need it… It'll always love you for who you are… "

Kaworu sat down opposite Shinji and fixed the other boy with a worried look. "Shinji … it's coffee."

"_And_ it'll _never_ betray you, stab you in the back, make you feel so secluded, ostracised, unwanted…"

"Don't go getting all _emo_ on me, Shinji. If there's somehting wrong-"

"But you know what the best thing about coffee is?" Shinji said loudly, and then, without waiting for an answer, he shot Kaworu a deathly glare from his crossed arms. "You can tell it _anything_-"

"If you're upset about what I said in my assignment;"

"- _because_," Shinji pushed on, louder. "It'll never _tell anyone_!"

On the last two words, Shinji stood up so rapidly that the chair he was sitting on collided with the vase behind him. Kaworu was silent as the crystal vase smashed on the floor. Shinij was breathing hard, eyes closed.

"Shinji," Kaworu said quietly. "It's not alive, coffee _can't_ talk."

"Oh my GOD!" Shinji roared to the ceiling. Then he picked up the chair from behind him and threw it across the length of the small room. He screamed at the wall, gripping his scalp until the tears ran down his face. "You have no idea! What the hell is _wrong_ with you?"

Shinji began to smash his head against the wall with a vicious force.

_Bang._

Kaworu still sat there, not speaking a word, watching the one person he loved most smash himself against their kitchen wall repeatedly.

_Bang._

He still gripped the coffee mug in his hand as he sat atht he small kitchen table while Shinji raged on.

"Don't you _understand?_" _Bang. _"People _can't know!_" _Bang._ "There's no future for us now!" _Bang._ "My father will find out and that'll be it-" _Bang._ "- I won't _ever_ see you again, NERV won't want to be seen-" _Bang._ "- to be supporting-" _Bang._

"They won't be _seen_ to be supporting anything," Kaworu said.

Shinji stopped attacking the jibrock with his face and leanrt his palm against the wall, head down, panting. Kaworu couldn't see his face; Shinji's back was turned, but he thoguht that he could hear the other boy crying.

"You have no idea…" Shinji whispered.

"No idea of what?" Kaworu got up and moved over to where Shinji stood. He placed a hand on the boy's shoulder and turned him aorund so that Shinji faced him. The jibrock had made a mess of the boy's nose; where once it had been small and slender, it was now a pulped mess that pointed at odd angles along the ridge. Blood was still running slowly out of his nostrils and over random gashes along his face. Shinji hadn't just hit the jibrock of the wall, he had made a hole through which brick could be seen with blood on it. Shinji's face was grazed and scratched from the wall's badly constructed interior. His eyes were red and puffy from crying and the whites of his eyes streaked with blood veins. Shinji's face resemlbed a spaghetti onslaught as Kaworu held him, but none of it mattered.

"What could be so horrible that it's scared the hell out of you?"

Shinji's eyes softened form his scowl. "My father at NERV, he'll-"

"He'll what?" Kaworu asked, leaning closer to Shinji's lips. Shinji opened his mouth, eyes closed. "Kill me…?" Kaworu asked as he leant toward Shinji.

"Yes…" Shinji spoke into his kiss, his back against the wall.

A _shot fired_.

Shinji started at the noise and the taste of blood in his mouth. He opened his eyes only to stare into Kaworu's blank ones. The taste of blood on his lips, the smell; the look of shock on Kaworu's face, frozen in time. Time seemed to slow down, the single gunfire echoed around his brain until painful realisation dawned on him. Suddenly time seemed speed up as Kaworu's body fell away from his arms. Blood began to spurt from the side of Kaworu's neck.

"No…"

Shinji fell to his knees to catch Kaworu's dead weight; literal dead weight now. He gripped the silver-haired boy's face, willing him to blink, cough, breathe, anything.

"No, you can't go…" Tears stung Shinji's eyes, his chest started to feel contricted, there was no way, how…?

Shinji jumped at the sound of footsteps. He looked over his left, down the hall towards the front door to their apartment. There stood his father, NERV's Ikari, walking towards him, gun in hand. He pointed the weapon at Kaworu's lifeless body.

"I told you I didn't trust that boy," he growled.

Shinji was speechless.

"Leave the body, NERV will take care of it," Ikari turned to leave without another word.

"I hate you…"

"What?" Ikari turned again, this time to face his distant son.

"I loved him," he glanced down at the boy in his arms. "No, I … LOVE him!" Shinji glared at his father.

"The blood on your face, the wall… I thought he forced you-"

"No!" Shinji fell back on his heels, Kaworu's body falling across his knees and onto his chest. "No, I love – _aah!_"

Shinji gasped in pain as the second bullet pssed into the side of his abdomen.

"So you really are, then," Ikari walked over to where his son leant against the wall, Kaworu in his arms. "You really are a disappointment," Ikari placed the gun against Shinji's forehead.

Shinji looked up into his father's eyes and spat, "Fuck you".

_Bang_- the third bullet passed through his skull, Kaworu in his arms.

Ikari walked back down the hall, flicking off the kitchena nd hall lights as he did so. He stopped at the open front door and glanced one last time back down the hall. Shinji lay there, slumped against the kitchen wall, his head upon Kaworu's as he lay in Shinji's arms. A small bedspread of blood was beginning to form around them. It was just another necessity in life. Ikari turned and closed the door behind him.

Bloody hell, that was a bit pessimistic. Sorry to be a real bastard in that ending, but I just went with what was in my head at the time. I didn't think I'd kill Shinji and Kaworu when I sat down to type this. Sorry to all those ShinjixKaworu fans out there! Especially Jayhay, who I think is gonna throw something rather large and painfull-feling at my head tomorrow in Maths… But please reply, I don't usually do Evangelion fics, but I like this Oneshot thing, doesn't take as much commitment as _Sonno Joi_ stories, ;P.

RiverRae


End file.
